In which Kazuo Ishiguro runs a dating hotline on the radio like in Sleepless in Seattle
ME
Hello?
KAZUO ISHIGURO
Hello, you’ve reached the Kazuo Ishiguro Dating Hotline. My name is Kazuo Ishiguro. How can I help you tonight?
ME
Oh, wow. I didn’t think you’d actually pick up. I’m Ellie. I loved The Buried Giant.
KAZUO ISHIGURO
Everyone loves The Buried Giant. We’ll see what Guillermo does with it. Are you dating, Ellie?
ME
No, but it’s all a bit more complicated than that, don’t you think?
KAZUO ISHIGURO
No, not really.
KAZUO ISHIGURO hangs up the phone. It’s a really bad dating hotline.
It’s a pretty good dating hotline.
In which Statler and Waldorf review Bridge Over Troubled Water
STATLER
More like “So Long, Frank Lloyd Wrong”!
WALDORF
Where is this bridge over troubled water? I’d like to jump off it!
They laugh.
STATLER
The only living boy in New York? Not after I get my hands on you!
WALDORF
“Why Don’t You Write Me”? Why don’t you write some better songs!
STATLER
“I’m begging you please” to stop singing!
They laugh. The air feels tight.