Danny Swain

Danny Swain has been published three times under the name “Albie” in Kevin L Donihe’s BARE BONE anthologies. He received an Honourable Mention in The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror 2006. He lives in Hull, England and was once a member of the New Absurdists. He can be found on Twitter as @dannyswain3.

I AM A WRITER by Danny Swain

I make up symptoms to get unnecessary hospital treatment. Because I’m a writer. I don’t bathe for years and scratch smiley faces in the dirt on my body. I photograph the faces and send them to random strangers through the post. Because I’m a writer. I drink booze until my soul intrudes on the secret meetings between God and Satan. Because I’m a writer. When my dog died I had sex with it. Because I’m a writer. I hang out with tramps who I only speak mock Chinese to. Because I’m a writer. I traveled forty miles west and tried…

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