Jonathan Cardew

Jonathan Cardew is a writer from Sheffield. He doesn’t live there anymore. But he is from there. Find his words in cream city review, SmokeLong Quarterly, wigleaf, and Best Microfiction 2021.

THE FUCK’S A TUFFET? by Jonathan Cardew

Little Miss Muffet took another hit from her Juul. It was Friday, which meant English class all afternoon. Instead of walking towards the Arts building, though, Muffet detoured into the woods so she could do a little pipe before Hawthorne.   When she sat down on a grassy embankment, a spider descended from a nearby tree–a ten-foot wide spider, big enough to hop and skip over a bus.   She tried to light her pipe, but the spider freaked out and hissed at the flame.   “Oh, just piss off,” she said to the spider, and it promptly did.  …

Continue Reading...

FRIENDSHIP WOLFCHEESE by Jonathan Cardew

Slide through the doors of the convenience store. Live a little in your skin. This skin was given to you in about 1975. Friendship Wolfcheese made sure you got the kind of skin that earned you favor. Ask for cigarettes. Carefully enunciate the vowels and the consonants. Friendship Wolfcheese was very particular about sounds. Marlllllborooooo Liiiiiights. Feel the heat in your cheeks. Why the heat in your cheeks? Marllllllborooooo Liiiights. He doesn’t understand you. This boy of fifteen, with the fresh coat of paint on his face. Squints in your direction. He’s speaking, but the speaking isn’t happening in your…

Continue Reading...