Andy Spain

Andy Spain is a video editor and motion graphics designer living in the utopian city of Durham, NC, with his wife and four children. Or is it five? His humor writing has appeared in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Slackjaw, Weekly Humorist, and other humor sites. Find him adding nothing to the cultural zeitgeist on Twitter @citizenspain.

AT LEAST IT WASN’T ME by Andy Spain

George arches his back and reaches for the ceiling, fingers fully splayed in morning praise pose. His wife lumbers around him with a groggy scowl. “Great, gonna be late again,” she mumbles and bangs her leg on the bed frame, cursing softly as she clutches her shin. George winces and edges past her. “At least it wasn’t me,” he thinks. Strolling into the kitchen, George rubs his eyes and smiles at his two sons as they scurry around the breakfast table. The younger one waves hello, over-pouring milk into a glass. White cascades race down the cabinet edges and splash…

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