HI by Erin Kelly Smith

She filled out her first dating profile in a frenzied whirl, half-drunk on the yet-undigested news that her ex had brought someone with him to Thanksgiving that year. For a photo, she uploaded the professional headshot that was on the “Meet Our Team!” page of her work’s website, then quickly removed it, fearing these unknown, savage internet men could reverse-image search their way to learning every private facet of her life. She snapped a brand-new—and thus unsearchable—photo of herself standing and staring into her hallway mirror. She intended a smile, but only captured once its bloom had faded, her expression…

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THE DEN by Andy Bodinger

I’d been in the Midwest a month. I had stepped off the Greyhound with clothing, toiletries, documents, and a cremation urn, which I kept my savings in. The locals considered my new town dead. At first, I disagreed. Or, I figured at least, if it was dead, its corpse was flowering. Everything I needed was within the grid of a few blocks. Connecticut was unwalkable, nothing more than tree-lined roadways connecting one muddy village to the next. Soon, however, I ended up bored out of my mind, never imagining that I could do everything right and be so listless. One…

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ADVENTURERS by Z.H. Gill

Yo ho ho, adventurers, but beware: Poisonaut Buccaneers are pillaging the Indigo Coast! But Quartermaster Zabbrock’s informant has the coordinates to their secret base…Can you weather the pirate lair’s toxic traps? Damnèdfall Ship Grave is now open to bands of powerful and well-equipped adventurers! [Welcome to Version 2.32 – Full patch notes available online.] [Family filter is TURNED OFF.] [1. Auroradread Mountains – General] [Fabianette]: lfg heroic auroradread sepulcher looking for two more (cc + heals) [Order] [Evanstone]: yessssssssss [Order] [Evanstone]: almost friday bb!!! [Order] [Rivola]: friday the 13th even!!!!!!!!! [Order] [Aizar]: ki ki ki ma ma ma [Order] [Rivola]:…

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ONLY THE SCAMMERS LOVE SAM by Jon Steinhagen

“That’s wonderful, Sam,” the voice says, cooing. “May I call you Sam?” The voice is low, mellow, musical. The English it speaks is careful, cultured, unhurried, seductive (or so Sam thinks; he’s become a connoisseur over the years). Its tone is polite and comforting with just an edge of anticipation. Normally, this voice has rarely been given the freedom to speak so much, to reel off so many carefully-edited chunks of information. It senses an ultimate victory. “Sam, or Sammy,” Sam says. “That’s wonderful, Sam,” the voice repeats. “Now, all you have to do—” “My mother used to call me…

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PORTRAIT OF YOU IN FIVE PSYCHICS by Kirsti MacKenzie

First guy says: you’re gonna see a UFO. Like, BOOM. He lays this on me. Right now you’re probably thinking well, if that doesn’t torpedo the whole thing for you. But it didn’t. Okay? It didn’t. I sat there and let him tell me I was gonna see a UFO because sometimes you’re in the middle of a divorce and sometimes staring down the barrel of your life and sometimes you’d pay someone, anyone, to tell you that you’re not completely fucked.  “Where do I go with this,” he says. “Do you believe?” “In UFOs?” I ask. “Sure, what the…

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MRS BEATRIX by Glenn Orgias

The Gimp Box I lay in my apartment worrying about death and worrying that my constant worrying would eventually manifest in my sickness and death. So, when I saw a job ad looking for a “big guy” who was willing to “become anonymous” and to live in a “dungeon”, I said: Bingo. Because I really needed a place to hide out from Shovel.  Mrs Beatrix’s place of business was on the cobbled streets of the Rossebuurt district, Amsterdam. “That house,” said a man, pointing at a terrace house. “The dungeon is below,” he said, with a terrible excitement. “Are you…

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LITTLE ARLO by Billy Irving

When she found the babe under her woodpile, it was October and already cold on the mountain. Poor thing shivering under the logs with skin blue and veiny. Eyes bulging and pupilless. She scooped it up and swaddled it in a quilt, one long ago rendered by her own knotted hands, and took care to tuck its thin limbs into the folds of the fabric. Thin limbs that twisted like corkscrew worms. She brought the thing into her cottage to warm by the fire and watched as the heat revived it, brought presence to its eyes, a look of health…

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THE GROTTO by Jim Ruland

I Seamus receives a key “You’re in luck,” the innkeeper said. “The Grotto is available.” The innkeeper was a large man who wore suspenders, wire-rimmed glasses, and a fisherman’s cap. He looked like a builder of model ships. Seamus smiled and waited for the innkeeper to continue. “The Grotto is our most popular room. Usually booked months in advance. We had a cancellation, so it’s yours—if you want it.”  “I’ll take it,” Seamus said.  “What brings you to the Seaside Inn?” the man asked as Seamus filled out the registration papers.  “I was in the city for a conference and…

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THE LAST GREAT NORTH AMERICAN HOCKEY TEAM by Eric Subpar

I awake on a Saturday. It is my birthday. All my friends are here. My wife is telling me about the preseason. Kevin is still coming. Don’t blow out the candles until Kevin arrives. I won’t, dear. Her father tells me about the Los Angeles Kings. I unwrap a Los Angeles Kings jersey. I’m a fan of the L.A Kings. My son asks if we can throw the puck around a bit outside after the party. That’d be great, son. My wife’s father asks me about the roster. Think we got a shot this year? That rookie’s a phenom. Sure…

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A LIVING SOMETHING by David Nutt

My wife looms at the ledge of the bed. The cold meat of my brain, freezer-burned with slumber, is still in defrost mode. Meanwhile, my wife has already risen, showered, powdered, dressed, breakfasted, read the morning news, cried about the morning news, genuflected and regurgitated, and undressed again. Now she stands naked in the middle of the room, like an unflappable art-class model, waiting for her indolent husband to get up and do something meaningful, and maybe felonious, with his life. I can’t fake it anymore. I get up and go to the closet, where we keep the new suit…

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