Fiction
DARRIN DOYLE RECOMMENDS: EIGHT BOOKS OF FICTION THAT EVOKE THE LIMINAL
Opening your eyes at night, unsure of where you are, half-dreaming, half-awake…staring into the darkness of a living room, thinking that the shadow near the door might be a man…or a coat rack… the tremble along your spine as you hear the voice of a deceased loved one on your voicemail…the uncanny sight of a mannequin that may or may not be a living person. We all know that sense of dread that comes from uncertainty during transitional moments, as well as the relief we feel once we settle into the known.Below are a list of fiction books that are highly effective at making the reader feel as if they are occupying a space in between: between real and fantastical, normal and paranormal, waking and dream, self and other, sanity and madness, life and death. Some are surreal, some evoke the uncanny; some use absurdity and humor, some play with expectations of form and structure; and some distort language itself to evoke a liminal state. Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin (Riverhead Books, 2017)“She’s not his mother. He’s not her child.” This statement on the jacket flap forecasts the oddness of this novella, which tells the story of a dying woman, Amanda, who is speaking to David, the child of a woman named Carla. David has previously been saved from death after ingesting a poisonous liquid, but the process of saving him has changed him into an uncanny version of himself, as if he’s now lacking a soul or spirit. Amanda is trying to figure out what happened to herself as well as to help her daughter Nina. Much of the story is told in dialogue, with no quotation marks, which is just one way Schweblin creates a fluidity of identity and a dreamlike state. Schweblin also plays with narrative structure, creating an enigmatic atmosphere as we try to figure out what truly happened. The result is an eerie existential tale that lives up to its title. In the House by Lyn Kilpatrick (The University of Alabama Press, 2010)This is a wildly unique story collection, each piece revolving around domestic spaces. Kilpatrick employs formal invention and a poetic, figurative lens to create a sense of liminality between psychological and physical, between exterior spaces and interior spaces. Kilpatrick uses lists, instructions, diary entries, directions, character sketches, and more. In one series of flash pieces, each titled “Diorama,” the reader explores ordinary household situations through the uncanny use of toys and figurines meant to represent reality. The result is a creepy, sad, thoughtful meditation on the thin line between danger and safety in our domestic lives. The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket by Edgar Allan Poe (Harper, 1838)One of the founding fathers of liminal fiction in American letters, Edgar Allan Poe’s longest story is also one of his strangest. I’m oversimplifying quite a bit here, but this novel features (among other things): a man stowing away on a ship and nearly starving in the cramped space; there’s a violent mutiny; there’s a shipwreck; there’s a boat full of rotting corpses; there’s cannibalism. Eventually the story takes us to a bizarro Antarctic landscape where the water is thick and laced with veins. Poe’s familiar themes of claustrophobia give way to fear of the other, fear of the irrational, and fear of mental stability giving way to madness. The Age of Wire and String by Ben Marcus (Alfred A. Knopf, 1995)One of the most unique and challenging fiction books I’ve ever read, The Age of Wire and String does nothing short of redefine the English language, providing new, wildly strange definitions to common words. It’s less a story collection than a glossary of terms, a catalogue of a parallel universe. Marcus eschews standard story elements like character and plot in favor of a swirling, befuddling, funny, and surprisingly enlightening journey through a defamiliarized landscape that resembles our world but is wholly new. My biggest takeaway is how strongly our concepts of “truth” and “reality” are determined by the words we use, the names we call things – and when these definitions are destabilized, we’re thrust into liminal chaos. Hell by Kathryn Davis (Ecco Press, 1998)This is one of my all-time favorite novels, and it’s been hugely influential on me as a writer. Hell employs three distinct spaces/narratives: 1950s Philadelphia, 1700s France (featuring Napoleon's chef), and a dollhouse in the 1950s Philadelphia home. We’ve all seen novels with multiple timelines and settings, but the brilliance of Davis’s novel is seeing these spaces/times gradually blend and converge, intruding on each other quietly and persistently until reality becomes a blurred distortion. By breaking down the normal barriers that delineate time and space, our comfort and sanity are put to the test. The novel is terrifying, bewildering, and one-of-a-kind. The Week by Joanna Ruocco (The Elephants, 2017)This collection explores the liminal space of storytelling, the way stories themselves can place us in a transitional state by raising questions about intention, purpose, and narrative stance. How does one categorize these pieces? Ranging from a few sentences to about four pages in length, they eschew traditional fiction components at every turn. Many read like stream-of-conscious rants (Instructions? Meditations?) that may or may not connect to their titles. Take “Well,” for example, which begins: “The human body is not a good place to store things, not if you want them to keep. If you want things to spoil, then, fine, put them in the human body. Put a head of lettuce in your body, it will wilt in the heat, the cellulose will turn to slime.” The Rumphulus by Joseph Peterson (University of Iowa Press, 2020)This delightful read from one of Chicago’s best writers tells the story of a forest inhabited by men. These are men who have been banished from society, forced to live in the wild. They’ve each been condemned, though none of them seem to know what their transgressions were. Franz Kafka is one of the most well-known writers of the liminal (I could have included any of his works on this list), and The Rumphulus is definitely a Kafka relative. This novel takes (and gives) great pleasure through resistance: to rules of logic, of human behavior, of conflict and character development, and even rules of grammar. Solaris by Stanislaw Lem (Wydawnictwo Ministerstwa Obrony Narodowej, 1961)This classic science fiction novel has been adapted into film a couple of times with varying degrees of success, but I personally don’t think either adaptation captures the spooky, unsettled feeling of the novel, which bends reality so thoroughly and consistently that a reader feels trapped in a prison of dread. The story finds a crew of scientists living on a planet named Solaris, and each of them start to experience visions and manifestations – actual embodiments, it seems, of repressed memories. Are these ghosts? Are they real? Or are they simply phantoms created by the psyche? The novel never gives easy answers to these questions. Instead, we’re left to squirm with uncertainty just like the characters. A revised tenth anniversary edition of Darrin Doyle’s The Dark Will End the Dark features a new introduction by American Mythology author Giano Cromley. Released October 2025 by Tortoise Books.
October 28, 2025
Fiction
STRANGE IS THE MEAT by Brittany Terwilliger
As his bolt pierced the deer’s flesh, Nathan felt himself reduce, his body contracting into a dark, wet mass. He clenched against the blinding light, choking on snorts as he plopped onto a leafy patch of moss and lay feeble and disoriented. Something licked him, eyes darting. Liquid warmth filled his mouth, his belly. He drifted off to sleep.His mother (but that wasn’t his mother! His mother was a chain smoker with Betty White hair) nudged him to stand. And he found that he could, although he didn’t want to. He preferred his leafy bed, the green smell of damp earth mounded around him. He liked it when she went away and left him there alone with his thoughts, and he could huff that florid vegetal perfume and stare at the stars. He wondered if every other deer he saw had formerly been human. Even the ants in the ground could be former humans. He wondered if this transformation had been a cosmic punishment or a cosmic reward.Time passed slowly in this body. He could spend all day contemplating the texture of an acorn between his teeth, the way it snaps at first bite, the residual cap crunch, the meaty center. And trying to remember his human life, that took up a lot of his time, too. Most of it was foggy, fleeting, and he wanted to pin the memories so they’d stay put. “Son, deer are prey,” his father had said. “They’re born to be prey.” This was one memory that kept landing. When he was feasting on the greenest grass, he thought: prey. What is prey? He couldn’t remember the whole of it, only that prey means run. Prey. Once the concept began to take hold, it entered his mind day and night. The rustle of a chipmunk skittering through leaves. Prey. A crow fluttering between clackety branches. Prey. Every gust of wind, even the shudder of a dragonfly landing on the surface of a puddle, triggered Nathan into flight. He made up his mind to find the most remote and unknown forest in which to start fresh, to rid himself of this anxiety forever. Never before had a deer been so stealthy. Sometimes he stood for hours just listening, barely breathing, not moving a muscle, sorting familiars from threats. He bedded down in late afternoons and traveled in the early morning hours when the world’s creatures still slumbered. When he finally found a tranquil and secluded patch of trees, he could barely contain his triumph. But his secluded patch of trees didn’t fix it. Every night came the terrors. Sometimes he dreamed he was the prey and sometimes he dreamed he was the predator, hungry and quiet in the dark, and what he wanted to be was a secret third thing that was neither hunter nor hunted. There must be a place, he thought, unspoiled by the laws of consumption, where such creatures existed. That was the place he needed to find.He searched and searched, not knowing exactly what he was looking for but knowing he would recognize it when he found it. Along the way he met many creatures, most of them kind but all of them bound to the same old truth. Prey. Actually, they seemed resigned to it, unbothered as they went about their daily business, and he grew furious as he watched them. They were complicit, every skitter and scatter contributing to this vicious cycle. Sometimes as he made his way through a copse he stepped a heavy hoof on the occasional toad or baby bunny just to teach them a lesson. He had no way of knowing how much ground he covered or what part of the world he was in at any given time, but after traversing what felt like endless forests, highways, rivers, streams, fences, groves, thickets, and farms, he entered a woodland that looked vaguely familiar. Of course, most woodlands were a bit similar, but this one had a smell that reminded him pleasantly of the place where he’d been born. The grass here was so luscious and green, the acorns so plentiful, he decided to stop for a snack and rest. That’s when he saw him. It was the moment he’d most feared, and yet he could do nothing but stare, catching flickers of the vicious nonchalance with which his human self had extinguished this body he now inhabited. He saw the crossbow, the bolt aimed at his face by this Nathan whose features he’d seen in every mirror for 33 years. As the bolt pierced his flesh, he felt himself reduce, his body contracting into a dark, wet mass.
October 27, 2025
Fiction
ADVENTURERS by Z.H. Gill
Yo ho ho, adventurers, but beware: Poisonaut Buccaneers are pillaging the Indigo Coast! But Quartermaster Zabbrock’s informant has the coordinates to their secret base…Can you weather the pirate lair’s toxic traps? Damnèdfall Ship Grave is now open to bands of powerful and well-equipped adventurers! [Welcome to Version 2.32 - Full patch notes available online.][Family filter is TURNED OFF.][1. Auroradread Mountains - General] [Fabianette]: lfg heroic auroradread sepulcher looking for two more (cc + heals)[Order] [Evanstone]: yessssssssss[Order] [Evanstone]: almost friday bb!!![Order] [Rivola]: friday the 13th even!!!!!!!!![Order] [Aizar]: ki ki ki ma ma ma[Order] [Rivola]: ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ[Order] [Evanstone]: that supposed to be a knife[Order] [Evanstone]: ?[Order] [Rivola]: yes lmao[Order] [Aizar]: hehehe[Order] [Rivola]: im gonna get a tattoo tomorrow [Order] [Evanstone]: are those interrelated[Order] [Aizar]: freshman [Order] [Evanstone]: wat???[Order] [Evanstone]: shit up lol[Order] [Evanstone]: *shut[1. Auroradread Mountains - General] [Fabianette]: lf cc & heals heroic sepulcher then g2g. come on ppl [Order] [Aizar]: its a thing[Order] [Rivola]: ya like 99.99% tattoo parlors have good good deals on flash every friday 13th [Order] [Rivola]: you cant get anything crazy/color (usually) but you can get a cool lil piece for like $40 or 50 [Order] [Rivola]: its fun. my left leg is all friday the 13th pieces[Order] [Evanstone]: how many[Order] [Rivola]: tomorrow will make it 5[Order] [Aizar]: gratz[Order] [Rivola]: ty lol[Order] [Evanstone]: i want a tattoo i think[Order] [Aizar]: when you grow up[Order] [Evanstone]: shit up[2. Auroradread Mountains - Social] [Mikky]: any1 in auroradread mountains rn watch new aot ln? shit was tite[Order] [Evanstone]: I want a tree tattoo[Order] [Evanstone]: in color on my back [Order] [Rivola]: botanicals are cool. big tree would look nice there. lots of really good artists specialize in botanicals [Order] [Rivola]: what kind of tree[Order] [Evanstone]: southern live oak[Order] [Evanstone]: the one right outside my window more specifically[Order] [Aizar]: cute[Order] [Rivola]: that would be sick tbh [Order] [Rivola]: do u like american traditional? [Order] [Rivola]: i wanna get a tiger american traditional[2. Auroradread Mountains - Social] [Mikky]: rly? nobody here watchin aot?[2. Auroradread Mountains - Social] [Boneblade]: jesus christ shut up dude[2. Auroradread Mountains - Social] [Fabianette]: lol[Order] [Evanstone]: tiger would be cool. or snake [Order] [Evanstone]: my dad is so so against tattoos but idrc [Order] [Aizar]: daddy would be SO upset[Order] [Evanstone]: dude shit up [Order] [Rivola]: lol shes just messin dude[Order] [Aizar]: it is my nature[Order] [Rivola]: it means she loves you[Order] [Aizar]: lmao it does[Order] [Evanstone]: it better[Order] [Johngarden]: watch the AOE[Order] [Johngarden]: stay out of the cloud thing[Order] [Aizar]: keep it in party chat jg[Order] [Johngarden]: LOL oopsie [Order] [Rivola]: not on voice?[Order] [Johngarden]: none of em have mics [1. Auroradread Mountains - General] [Fabianette]: lf one more heals for heroic sepulcher then good to go[Order] [Evanstone]: how long til youre done jg? wanna do a few colosseum queues with me?[Order] [Johngarden]: theoretically i would but it might be a bit[Order] [Johngarden]: these creeps are fuckin TERRIBLE—we have almost wiped 3 times[Order] [Aizar]: what you running?[Order] [Johngarden]: heroic eggmine shafts with randos [Order] [Johngarden]: awful spiritualist for heals who im pretty sure is a scientologist IRL[Order] [Aizar]: lmao[Order] [Rivola]: how do you know theyre a scientologist? [Order] [Johngarden]: l ron hubbard quote in their biotab [Order] [Johngarden]: this is copypasted Men who know are secure and men who do not know believe in luck. - L. Ron Hubbard[Order] [Aizar]: thats so menacing [Order] [Evanstone]: open & shit [Order] [Evanstone]: godamit lol [Order] [Rivola]: you should macro “shut”[Order] [Aizar]: he is hopeless lmao[Order] [Johngarden]: JFC just wiped for real[Order] [Evanstone]: which boss get you?[Order] [Johngarden]: breeding priest[Order] [Rivola]: nasty guy[Order] [Johngarden]: need to dump some shit at the auction house but then i will do colosseum queues evan [Order] [Evanstone]: dope[Order] [Johngarden]: i have to take a pegasus from thorntally pub so[Order] [Johngarden]: still gonna be a bit [Order] [Evanstone]: i figured dw [Order] [Aizar]: JG can i ask you something[Order] [Johngarden]: uhhhhh [Order] [Johngarden] i guess [Order] [Johngarden]: i mean yes LOL just riffing i am just sitting here 12 min on the pegasus timer YEEHAW I LOVE THIS GAME [Order] [Johngarden]: but if i take a while to answer its cuz im pissing [Order] [Rivola]: sicko[Order] [Johngarden]: what do you want to ask me [3. Auroradread Mountains - Defense] [Zybaz]: There is a group of 3 goblins in tier 5 gear camping Sepulcher summoning circle. I would jump on my alt but she is on the other side of the continent. Anyone who can help please help.[Order] [Johngarden]: ?[Order] [Evanstone]: lol i bet she went afk [3. Auroradread Mountains - Defense] [Gool]: omw [Order] [Johngarden]: ?[Order] [Evanstone]: lol[Order] [Rivola]: she played you[3. Auroradread Mountains - Defense] [Jubillince]: coming with 2 more [Order] [Aizar]: lmao sorry, negotiating for ore [Order] [Aizar]: 1 min pls[Order] [Johngarden]: JFC[Order] [Johngarden]: i am gonna have a panic attack[Order] [Evanstone]: jg…i might have to bail…[Order] [Johngarden]: fuck no please please i need a dub [Order] [Johngarden] i need a cool clean dub after what I just went through [Order] [Johngarden]: I land in 7 minutes will put my stuff in the bank and jump right into queues with you [Order] [Johngarden]: PLEASE[Order] [Evanstone]: my sister is screaming at me to use the computer[Order] [Evanstone]: she has an assignment[Order] [Aizar]: hahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahaha[Order] [Johngarden]: IT CAN WAIT [Order] [Evanston]: she says its due tomorrow[Order] [Aizar]: better get going buddy[Order] [Rivola]: this is sooo classic[Order] [Evanstone]: i really do have to go sorry jg[Order] [Evanstone]: keoki said earlier hes coming on tn so try him[Order] [Evanstone]: i owe you[Evanstone] has gone offline. [Order] [Johngarden]: COME ON[3. Auroradread Mountains - Defense] [Zybaz]: Thank you to all who answered. Goblins retreated. [Order] [Johngarden]: :/ [Order] [Rivola]: :’([3. Auroradread Mountains - Defense] [Gool]: no theres still one camping hill behind pegasus master[3. Auroradread Mountains - Defense] [Gool]: ganking anyone who lands or tries to fly out[3. Auroradread Mountains - Defense] [Jubillince]: omw back[Order] [Aizar]: actually this is good, i can ask you my question with no distractions[Order] [Johngarden]: o.O[Order] [Johngarden]: well????????[Order] [Johngarden]: seriously what is it[Order] [Aizar]: i wanted to know what actually went down in goldriders[Order] [Johngarden]: oh wow [Order] [Johngarden]: not what i was expecting[Order] [Aizar]: what were you expecting? lmao [Order] [Johngarden]: not that[Order] [Rivola]: whats goldriders? rings a bell[Order] [Aizar]: before your time[Order] [Johngarden]: biggest order here during vanilla for a while[Order] [Aizar]: they fell apart before 1.5 like most of the big orders did[Order] [Aizar]: and not to put him on blast but JG was an officer in it at the end [Order] [Johngarden]: lol[Order] [Johngarden]: loukinn resubbed actually[Order] [Aizar]: thats why i wanted to know[Order] [Aizar]: i kind of knew him i heard he was playing again [Order] [Johngarden]: i gave him some silver he got locked out of his original account [Order] [Rivola]: dang thats not like you lol [Order] [Rivola]: who is he[Order] [Aizar]: his dad was torinheart the goldriders CM and he was a high officer[Order] [Johngarden]: but they dont live together IRL. game was like their bonding activity[Order] [Johngarden]: dont spread this stuff OK?[Order] [Aizar]: I won’t [Order] [Rivola]: ofc[Order] [Johngarden]: well what i heard is they never got mediator approval to play together [Order] [Johngarden]: loukinn playing with his dad violated his parents custody agreement LOL[Order] [Johngarden]: i mean…not LOL[Order] [Johngarden]: u know what i mean, its just crazy[Order] [Aizar]: yea[Order] [Aizar]: dang……[Order] [Johngarden]: there were other {big}issues with goldriders leadership but yeah the mom was reallly angry at pinnacle (thats lous dad) I think he was not so nice to her and in the end a fuckin judge said they couldnt play together and it cascaded from that[Order] [Aizar]: god[Order] [Rivola]: (◞‸◟,) [Order] [Aizar]: thats rly depressing[Order] [Johngarden]: obvi IDK them in the flesh so maybe they are real losers IRL but they have both been super nice on here so its all very sad to me [Order] [Rivola]: what was the dads characters name?[Order] [Aizar]: he said alreadt[Order] [Aizar]: pinnacle[Order] [Rivola]: thats a funny name[Order] [Johngarden]: TBH pretty badass no???You have entered channels [1. Broodburgh City], [2. Broodburgh Trade,] [3. Broodburgh Defense].[2. Trade] [Eleff]: 250g for a single stack??????????? lick my chode u conartist bitch[Order] [Johngarden]: ok finally landed if anyone else wants to do queues [2. Trade] [Cherryhouse]: emphasis on ‘artist’[2. Trade] [Eleff]: reported u fuckin bitch Sleigh bells ting and ling throughout the Dueling Kingdoms, which can only mean one thing: Snow Festival is here! Adventurers drop their weapons out of holiday compassion…for now…[Welcome to Version 2.36 - Full patch notes available online.][Family filter is TURNED OFF.][Order] [Rivola]: are you going anywhere for xmas?/leave city/leave trade/leave defense[Order] [Johngarden]: disney. for new years/join craft syndicateYou have entered channel [4. Craft Syndicate].[Order] [Aizar]: lol rly?[Order] [Johngarden]: yea not my choice[Order] [Rivola]: anaheim??[Order] [Johngarden]: florida[4. Craft Syndicate] [Frogg]: you provide the mats, i charm your shit: level 350 charmer grinding to master level 50—TIPS APPRECIATED BUT NEVER DEMANDED[Order] [Aizar]: im going to my aunts in eugene[Order] [Johngarden]: fun?[Order] [Aizar]: yeah out of her and my mom shes the cool sister[Order] [Rivola]: whatre you gonna do lk [Order] [Rivola]: if you dont mind me asking[Order] [Loukinn]: ofc dont mind[Order] [Loukinn]: staying with my mom. shell drink and weep till she passes out im guessing lol[Order] [Loukinn]: ill prolly do colosseum queues while watchin like event horizon or the terminator or sumthin. also i downlowded clive barkers undying[Order] [Johngarden]: OH SHIT thats a goodass game[Order] [Johngarden]: underrated even[Order] [Aizar]: doesnt sound so bad[Order] [Loukinn]: itll be nice[Evanstone] has come online. [Order] [Aizar]: merry merry biotch[Order] [Evanstone]: hola gubnuh[Whisper] [Loukinn]: u got a sec to chat jg[Order] [Evanstone]: what i miss/r Loukinn: ofc[Order] [Rivola]: were talkin holiday plans/r Loukinn: isnt that what were doin? [Whisper] [Loukinn]: heh[Order] [Evanstone]: hmmmmmmmm[Order] [Aizar]: ?/r Loukinn: whats up [Hereward] has come online.[Order] [Evanstone]: who?[Whisper] [Loukinn]: actually brb lmao[Whisper] [Loukinn]: lets chat later[Loukinn] has gone offline. [Order] [Hereward]: gm[Order] [Aizar]: ?[Order] [Hereward]: ?[Order] [Evanstone]: are you like [Order] [Evanstone]: in like honolulu or something[Order] [Hereward]: gm just sumthing u say[Order] [Evanstone]: its 9pm where I am[Order] [Evanstone]: when did you join up[Order] [Aizar]: evan lmao[Order] [Evanstone]: wut[Order] [Aizar]: relax[Order] [Evanstone]: wat???[Order] [Rivola]: i invited them[Order] [Rivola]: we did gore plateau [Order] [Hereward]: i know my gore plateau [Order] [Evanstone]: are you somebodys alt[Order] [Hereward]: ofc [Order] [Hereward]: aint we all[Order] [Johngarden]: i think what my friends asking here is actually have we met already[Order] [Evanstone]: ya that[Order] [Aizar]: i promise it isnt always like this in here[Order] [Hereward]: lolol[Order] [Hereward]: its ok[Order] [Hereward]: dont think weve met[Order] [Hereward]: nice to meet u all 🙂[Order] [Johngarden]: likewise [Order] [Rivola]: dude can play[Order] [Hereward]: if u ever wanna do heroics i kno my shit [Order] [Aizar]: nice to meet you man [Order] [Evanstone]: ya[Order] [Hereward]: dont worry i am l33t af [Order] [Rivola]: lol[Order] [Rivola]: (he rly is good fr…)[4. Craft Syndicate] [Frogg]: you provide the mats, i charm your shit: level 350 charmer grinding to master level 50—TIPS APPRECIATED BUT NEVER DEMANDED[Order] [Johngarden]: …you wanna do eggmine shafts??[Order] [Hereward]: wen[Order] [Johngarden]: …now?[Order] [Hereward]: cant rn[Order] [Hereward]: just logged in 4 dailys [Order] [Hereward]: kids coming over [Order] [Aizar]: you got kids?[Order] [Hereward]: 1[Order] [Hereward]: my son[4. Craft Syndicate] [Wolj]: selling ingots in bulk[Order] [Evanstone]: i wish i had a son/w Woli: can you do 200 for 1000 [Order] [Aizar]: hehehe[Whisper] [Wolj]: 150 for 1000[Order] [Hereward]: he lives w his gma half the time. his moms mom[Order] [Hereward]: his moms stationed at aafb. he didnt want to go [Order] [Hereward]: tbh im glad he didnt [Order] [Hereward]: i love my kid/r Wolj: meet in the middle? [Order] [Rivola]: awww[Order] [Evanstone]: good/r Wolj: 175 for 1k?[Whisper] [Wolj]: ok i can swing that[Whisper] [Wolj]: meet in front of the post office. need 15 min to get there/r Wolj: sounds good, thanks very much dude /r Wolj: seeya in 15[Order] [Hereward]: im 17 btw[Order] [Aizar]: thats ok. we don’t judge here[Order] [Aizar]: maybe evan does but hes like 15 just fyi[Order] [Evanstone]: im just jealous[Order] [Rivola]: lol[Order] [Evanstone]: like i said i want a kid…boy of my own…maybe in a few years…….[Order] [Hereward]: u mite wanna wait on it lil longer[Order] [Evanstone]: are you gonna go to college?[Order] [Evanstone]: tradeschool?[Order] [Aizar]: dude chill out[Order] [Johngarden]: evan what is your agenda here LOL[Order] [Hereward]: no its ok[Order] [Hereward]: im in cc rn [Order] [Hereward]: on track 2 transfer[Order] [Aizar]: hell yeah right on[Order] [Evanstone]: ya thats good[Order] [Evanstone]: i can barely do hs with no kid so that is impressive [Order] [Johngarden]: what? you been getting stuffed into lockers?[Order] [Evanstone]: no no lol[Order] [Evanstone]: i cant stay awake. dunno what it is[Order] [Aizar]: so drink coffee[Order] [Evanstone]: anyway[Order] [Evanstone]: before you logged on hereward we were talking about xmas[Order] [Evanstone]: you got any xmas plans?[Order] [Aizar]: evan if you dont fuckin calm yourseld down i am literally gonna suspend you[Order] [Aizar]: dont like to threaten orddies but will do it fr[Order] [Evanstone]: i will shut up[4. Craft Syndicate] [Zabyx]: LF 350ML50 jeweler to craft me 2slot necklace, i have mats and gold for *generous* tip /w Evanstone: you good dude??? LOL[Whisper] [Evanstone]: that dude is lying about something [Whisper] [Evanstone]: dont know how i know but i know he is[Order] [Rivola] gonna hop on my alt[Rivola] has gone offline./r Evanstone: he barely said anything what would he be lying about tho???[Rapallo] has come online. [Order] [Rapallo]: me back - miss me???[Order] [Aizar]: yes[Order] [Hereward]: ur riv??[Order] [Rapallo] mmhmm[Whisper] [Evanstone]: trust my sus meter jg/r Evanstone: watch this/r Evanstone: and dont say im active duty. maybe aiz will blow my cover there but trust me, watch[Order] [Johngarden]: whats AAFB???[Order] [Hereward]: andersen air force base[Order] [Rapallo]: ofc lol[Order] [Hereward]: in yigo guam[Whisper] [Evanstone]: keep going lmao[Order] [Johngarden]: what does your babymama do out there???[Order] [Hereward]: lol. tbh idrk [Order] [Hereward]: she cant tell us[4. Craft Syndicate] [Zabyx]: LF 350ML50 jeweler to craft me 2slot necklace, i have mats and gold for *very generous* tip /r Evanstone: can’t say why exactly/r Evanstone: but i think youre right/r Evanstone: somethings off with this dude[Order] [Johngarden]: youre awfully forthcoming[Whisper] [Evanstone]: see /r Evanstone: like hes giving too much[Order] [Hereward]: ?/r Evanstone: and not enough at the same time [Whisper] [Evanstone]: exactly [Order] [Hereward]: im an opem book[Order] [Aizar]: dude[Order] [Aizar]: dont start[Order] [Hereward]: ?[Order] [Aizar]: i mean jg [Hereward] has gone offline.[Order] [Aizar]: …[Order] [Evanstone]: ? [Order] [Johngarden]: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ [Wolj] [says]: ok lets do this[Wolj] [says]: (srry for taking a minute)/s: oh DW yr good[Order] [Rapallo]: drinkin eggnog[Order] [Evanstone]: virgin eggnog?!?![Order] [Rapallo]: rofl[Order] [Rapallo]: yes[Order] [Aizar]: virginogSleigh bells ting and ling throughout the Dueling Kingdoms, which can only mean one thing: Snow Festival is here! Adventurers drop their weapons out of holiday compassion…for now… [Welcome to Version 2.36 - Full patch notes available online.][Family filter is TURNED OFF.][2. Trade] [Boorooboo]: love this fckin game on chrismas day[2. Trade] [Boorooboo]: shortest colosseum queues of the year and my family isnt \ here[2. Trade] [Zabyx]: roflmao[Order] [Loukinn]: this is bad……[Order] [Hereward]: y[Order] [Loukinn]: im gonna get in trouble[Order] [Hereward]: u wont[Order] [Hereward]: i promise[Order] [Johngarden]: am i interrupting something?[Order] [Loukinn]: no. merry xmas jg[Order] [Hereward]: merry xmas jg[Order] [Johngarden]: same to you both[Order] [Johngarden]: just you dudes???[Order] [Loukinn]: you missed keoki[Order] [Hereward]: ya we did oozing temple[Order] [Johngarden]: sorry i missed it!![2. Trade] [Boorooboo]: i love living alone[2. Trade] [Boorooboo]: living alone can fix anyone[2. Trade] [Zabyx]: you are broken rofl[Order] [Johngarden]: you wanna go again??[Order] [Johngarden]: off duty for the rest of the day (thank effing god)[Order] [Hereward]: u wanna?????[Order] [Loukinn]: shit i gotta go[Loukinn] has gone offline.[Order] [Johngarden]: hehe[Order] [Johngarden]: guess its just you and me man[Order] [Johngarden]: got another run in you?[Order] [Johngarden]: nothing to do here[Order] [Johngarden]: base is dead[Order] [Hereward]: im gonna log[Order] [Hereward]: srry[Hereward] has gone offline.[Order] [Johngarden]: byebye prick Emissaries from both kingdoms are missing! Last seen en route to a peace summit at the Diplomat’s Lodge—the only clue: thick, gore-flecked webs lining their abandoned peace-caravans. Could this be the doing of the Spider Viziers? Silken Parliament is now open for investigation by bands of powerful and well-equipped adventurers…if you dare step inside! [Welcome to Version 2.51 - Full patch notes available online.][Family filter is TURNED OFF.]/join defense [3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clington]: anyone able to help?[Order] [Aizar] i advise waiting until at least a day after mothers day to ask your mother for money[Order] [Loukinn]: oooof lmao[Order] [Rivola]: what happened? [3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clio]: arseholes killed the auctioneer [Order] [Aizar]: i mean[Order] [Aizar]: she didnt give me the money[Order] [Aizar]: lolololol[Order] [Rivola]: u good??[Order] [Aizar]: am for now[Order] [Aizar]: idk [Order] [Evanstone]: dude…[Order] [Aizar]: wat[Order] [Evanstone]: i could have my dad send you a little money[Order] [Aizar]: :/[Order] [Aizar]: shut up biotch[Order] [Evanstone]: no i mean it. he thinks this game is good for me[Order] [Evanstone]: your my friend [Order] [Aizar]: im going to be fine[Order] [Johngarden]: how about all of us cover your sub [Order] [Rivola]: ya thats a rly good idea[Order] [Evanstone]: i will throw sown[Order] [Loukinn]: moi aussi [Order] [Aizar]: thats really sweet of you guys[Order] [Aizar]: but tbh[Order] [Aizar]: could probably use a little less of playing this game[Order] [Aizar]: if yall cover me i will sorta feel the NEED to make your investment in me worth it re playtime[Order] [Aizar]: prolly not a good idea for me rn[Johngarden]: OK that makes sense[3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clio]: they are camping the auction house just an update[3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clington]: omw back[3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clio]: you should bring some orddies theres 5 of em now [Order] [Aizar]: are there any actually good f2p mmos[Order] [Evanstone]: imo no [Order] [Loukinn]: star wars ones kinda fun[Order] [Johngarden]: guild wars 2 is pretty good[Order] [Johngarden]: you have to buy the retail game still for $50 but no monthly sub just xpacs once a year if youre into it[Order] [Johngarden]: ends up being cheaper by like half [Order] [Aizar]: i tried it when it launched but i couldnt get into it[Order] [Aizar]: dont worry about it [3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clington]: orddies otw[Order] [Aizar]: i should like read books [3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clio]: how many[Order] [Loukinn]: yo not to be weerd but[Order] [Evanstone]: books are good[3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clington]: we got enough[Order] [Loukinn]: did u guys ever talk to someone on here called hereword something like that[Order] [Loukinn]: mebe 3 months ago [Order] [Evanstone]: lil longer than that [Order] [Evanstone]: around christmas[Order] [Loukinn]: ya[Order] [Evanstone]: we did [Order] [Johngarden]: he quit/deleted without saying anything about it[Order] [Aizar]: accounts fully gone[Order] [Loukinn]: wher can u see that [Order] [Aizar]: checked characterfinder they have no character data for that name at all which means all the account metadatas gone which means the whole account is gone not just the character [Order] [Johngarden]: hmmmmm[Order] [Evanstone]: told u [Order] [Loukinn]: whatd u tell him?[Order] [Evanstone]: that he was…suspect[Order] [Johngarden]: something seemed very off[Order] [Loukinn]: it was my dad lol[Order] [Johngarden]: whoa what[Order] [Aizar]: pinnacle?[Order] [Loukinn]: dont tell the mediator lol[Order] [Evanstone]: whoa[Order] [Johngarden]: was he spying on you[Order] [Loukinn]: he wanted to spend more time with me he only gets one weekend a month[Order] [Loukinn]: but this violated their mediation agreement [Order] [Aizar]: oh shit[Order] [Rivola]: r u ok???????[Order] [Loukinn]: yes ty lol[Order] [Loukinn]: i am still processing life with my dad i will probably always be processing it [Order] [Loukinn]: even wen hes dead [Order] [Rivola]: its my fault[Order] [Rivola]: i invited him[Order] [Johngarden]: its OK dude gore plateau is tough as hell, i woulda brought him in too[Order] [Aizar]: hehe[Order] [Loukinn]: he was doing psycho shit anyways [Order] [Loukinn]: dont worry[Order] [Rivola]: im sorry if i made yr life harder[Order] [Loukinn]: u rly didnt – just an interesting wrinkle lol[Order] [Evanstone]: i am a child of divorce as well[Order] [Johngarden]: he knows LOL[Order] [Aizar]: rofl[Order] [Evanstone]: do i talk about it that much[Order] [Johngarden]: yes haha[Order] [Aizar]: and even if you didnt you kinda just like conduxt yourself like a child of divorce [Order] [Evanstone]: 🙁[Order] [Johngarden]: no its OK [Order] [Aizar]: its pretty charming shtick in like a my dog skip sorta way [Order] [Evanstone]: wats my dog skip [Order] [Aizar]: its a movie about a boy whos pathetic until he gets a cool dog [Order] [Aizar]: the boy is frankie muniz[Order] [Aizar]: agent cody banks[Order] [Evanstone]: ah[Order] [Evanstone]: do they kill the dog[Order] [Aizar]: im not gonna tell you that youll have to watch[Order] [Evanstone]: ok[Order] [Evanstone]: ill put it in the queue [Order] [Evanstone]: louk do you play other vidya w yr dad[Order] [Loukinn]: ya if hes in a ok mood[Order] [Loukinn]: madden cod halo [Order] [Loukinn]: all the hetero games[Order] [Aizar]: lmao [Order] [Loukinn]: sumtimes we play mario tennis [Order] [Rivola]: <3 mario tennis [Order] [Evanstone]: my dad wont touch em. but hes glad that i have hobbies[Order] [Evanstone]: he is like a progressive dad reads books and decided to learn about games when i got into em and in the end he decided they are normal [Order] [Evanstone]: he wouldnt let me play m rated games but my mom let me play anything because she doesnt give a shit she was an army brat her childhood was like a novel she was quite neglected[Order] [Evanstone]: also she musta known it would make me go over there more. it did [Order] [Evanstone]: she let me play any game except for games with violence against women[Order] [Evanstone]: no grand theft auto [Order] [Evanstone]: in the end i had to convince my dad to be the one to let me play grand theft auto. i told him it was pushing the medium forward. and that they were no worse than like pulp fiction or 24 with kiefer sutherland [Order] [Evanstone]: and then my mom relented probably so id go over there more [3. Broodburgh Defense] [Johngarden]: do you guys need help?[3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clington]: we got their asses dw [Order] [Loukinn]: my parents dont understand that some video games are violent and have curse words and some didnt [Order] [Loukinn]: i mean they literally understand at least my dad does[Order] [Loukinn]: but they dont make a distinction [Order] [Aizar]: my moms super religious = thinks all games are satanic[Order] [Aizar]: for a while growing up there was a total ban in the household but she gave up [Order] [Evanstone]: you wore her down [Order] [Aizar]: once i hit like 13 i started to scare her because i was a person[Order] [Aizar]: then i could do whatever i wanted[Order] [Loukinn]: i can do whatever i want p much[Order] [Evanstone]: i cannot[Order] [Johngarden]: LOL[Order] [Johngarden]: im in the same boat brother. except my dads uncle sam [Order] [Johngarden]: but at least theres hella downtime here on base [Order] [Johngarden]: everyone here games. even the vice-admiral has halo/guitar hero [Order] [Rivola]: these are the guys with the nukes [Order] [Evanstone]: but also its good to know theyre building eyehand coordination[Order] [Loukinn]: lol[Keoki] has come online. [Order] [Johngarden]: yoooooooooooooooo[Order] [Rivola]: whats up k[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: sup[Order] [Aizar]: hail hail order master [Order] [Johngarden]: louks been dropping bombs on us[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: o yea? wats goin down[Order] [Loukinn]: my dad infiltrated the order [Order] [Master] [Keoki]: ???[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: tf u mean lol[Order] [Evanstone]: dont worry about it[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: ??????[Order] [Loukinn]: he made a second account rolled an alt and joined up[Order] [Loukinn]: revealed himself only to me [Order] [Loukinn]: but he deleted[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: wat was his name[Order] [Aizar]: Hereward [Order] [Master] [Keoki]: wtf[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: i ran that fucker thru magnet hills[Order] [Loukinn]: he was violating a court order [Order] [Master] [Keoki]: so do i gotta call the cops??????[Order] [Johngarden]: no[Order] [Evanstone]: dont do that[Order] [Rivola]: o.O[Order] [Loukinn]: ya its ok[Order] [Loukinn]: it was awhile ago [Order] [Master] [Keoki]: #strangerdanger [Order] [Master] [Keoki]: well not a stranger…u no[Order] [Aizar]: but it all is pretty weird……[3. Broodburgh Defense] [Johngarden]: things still good?[3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clio]: ya ag[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: well i dont mean to diminish any revelations or watevr but does any1 wanna do queues thats y i logged on[3. Broodburgh Defense] [Johngarden]: LMK i am very close[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: or heroic blood forest [Order] [Johngarden]: heroic blood forest you say???[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: i do say [Order] [Johngarden]: got a daily in there [Order] [Master] [Keoki]: lfg [3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clio]: ok now we do need yr help johngarden[Order] [Johngarden]: can you gimme 10 min[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: ya [3. Broodburgh Defense] [Johngarden]: OMW[Order] [Rivola]: im guna join as well[Order] [Rivola]: need blood cloth[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: ok hell ya [Order] [Master] [Keoki]: any1 else[Order] [Aizar]: nah i’m gonna log [Order] [Loukinn]: im in queues [Order] [Master] [Keoki]: evan?[3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clington]: ah fuck[3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clington]: they brought a lot of buddies… [Order] [Master] [Keoki]: evannnnnnnn[Order] [Rivola]: i think hes afk [Order] [Johngarden]: need 5 min[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: yr good[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: evannnnnnnnnn[Order] [Evanstone]: wat[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: heroic? blood? forest?[Order] [Evanstone]: ok ok[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: yes[Order] [Aizar]: pece friends[Aizar] has gone offline. [Order] [Master] [Keoki]: sup w her?[Order] [Rivola]: shes broke [3. Broodburgh Defense] [Clio]: well im fuckin dead [3. Broodburgh Defense] [Johngarden]: samesies haha[Order] [Master] [Keoki]: damn. same
October 24, 2025
Fiction
BELLYBUTTON BABY by Dilys Wyndham Thomas
I have this recurring nightmare in which I swim through amniotic fluid. Poppies litter the fluid, and a baby is lost somewhere amongst all the falling flowers, out of reach, beyond my thrashing hands. To keep the nightmare at bay, I lay awake in yet another hotel room, avoiding sleep. The man in bed with me has his back turned, constellations of freckles scattered on sunburnt skin. It’s obvious from the way his body teeters on the edge of the mattress that he has decided I am a one-night stand. I run my fingers along the map that is this new back, find a replica of Cassiopeia on his shoulder. I will remember his skin long after I have forgotten everything else about him. Slowly, I reach for the discarded condom on the floor, cup it in my palm. It is satisfyingly heavy. I tie another knot into the latex and slip out of bed. I find the next man in the Gare du Nord. The French have a lovely term for train station waiting halls: salles des pas perdus, rooms of lost footsteps. I am sitting at a crowded cafe, smoking a kretek — you know, one of those honey-tipped clove cigarettes — pretending to read the novel that last week’s man told me would be life-changing. It is not. I spot the next man through the throngs of passengers scurrying for their trains, and watch him slip off a wedding ring as he approaches to ask for a light. I can picture it, the conventionality of his life: the flat in some sleeper suburb, the overweight Labrador, the sad potted plants, the mortgage he can barely afford. He asks if he can sit down. There are no other free tables, and he has been stood up, he says with a little too much of a smirk in his voice. It is an obvious fib, which makes him more likeable. I don’t trust utterly honest people. They don’t see through my lies. The man asks about the book I am reading, and proceeds to tell me he found one of the author’s earlier novels had really opened his eyes to life’s possibilities. I apparently have specific tastes when it comes to lovers. So I tell him what he wants to hear, repeating what last week’s man thought of the book, opinions lifted from some newspaper review, no doubt. I tell him how seminal the book was during the Velvet Revolution in Czechia, how the writing burns with twentieth-century urgency. I’m not entirely sure what the Velvet Revolution is, but that hardly matters. It sounds violent and sensual, a metaphor for sex. The man orders an espresso. I blow clove smoke out of the corner of my lips and decide he looks like he has good genes. He will do. But this man wants to play pretend, makes us talk for hours to the lullaby of announcements, our heads and elbows creeping closer. By the time he finally offers to walk me home, I have watched two trains leave without me. I would tell him, but he might think it romantic. We fuck to the sound of traffic crawling along the Boulevard de Magenta. He runs his fingers over every inch of my skin, hesitating when he reaches the bump above my belly button, a healed piercing scar. “What’s this?” he asks, not looking up.“I don’t know,” I reply, making sure he knows this is not true. “It’s always just been there.” “A second bellybutton,” the man whispers, “A baby bellybutton.”He flicks the tip of his tongue over the hardened skin again and again. I have to restrain myself from curling up into a foetal ball, from nestling into his chest. I bury my face into the pillows instead, calming myself with the intermingled smells of sweat, dry-cleaning chemicals and dust. He works his way all around my body: right buttock, pubic hair, outer labia, inner thigh. When he reaches my kneecaps, I close my eyes and almost manage to imagine myself in love with him, caught in the cobweb of untruths we have spun. We fall asleep in each other’s arms. It takes all of my strength not to cry. I dream of poppies again, swimming, desperately trying to locate my unborn daughter. I dare not open my mouth for fear I might swallow her. Then, there is a sudden pull, a tug, a collapsing inwards. The red poppies scrunch into confetti and spiral down. Time slows to a slurry. Somewhere in the blood-flecked celebration, my baby is drowning. I know she is probably dead, but still, I search for her, that little bundle of me. The possibility that she could be alive, floating and calling out, is more terrifying than death. I scare myself awake, my nightmare baby screaming inside my head. The building groans deep within its foundations: the first underground freight train rattling below, or an empty metro. This means it is around four, four-thirty at the latest. Soon enough, rubbish trucks will clank down the boulevard, followed by an army of green-clad cleaners hosing down the pavements, drenching the city clean. I notice that this man has no moles, no blemishes. His skin is an anonymous wasteland. I lay perfectly still, trying to decide how long is too long to get up, gather my things and leave. Through the gaps in the curtains, aerials and pigeons fight for space. The sky has lost its pink glow—perhaps it is nearer five. I am already lonely. In the cramped bathroom, I bend down, still naked, to retrieve the full condom from the wastepaper basket. Under the flicker of fluorescent light, my piercing scar looks like a fish gill, breathing in and out and in again. My mother once told me fetuses have gills, some remnant of our reptilian past. I imagine my baby hungrily sucking oxygen from amniotic fluid, its umbilical cord linking us with love.
October 23, 2025
Fiction
MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE PROJECTING ACROSS THE UNIVERSE IN BILLOWS OF GLITTER, CONFETTI, AND FLUSTERED GIGGLES by Sophie Kearing
At the intersection between the Many-Worlds Interpretation and the Law of Assumption, you can bow out of the shitty life you’ve created for yourself and slip into an existence that’s basically your own personal heaven. People call this place your “desired reality.” Let me give you some reference points here.In my old reality, moving house was always an exercise in abject misery.But.Let me tell you how things unfolded after one night I used the “state akin to sleep” to visualize stepping through a doorway into a magical world of miracles and ease. On Monday morning I received notice that a distant relative had passed away and left me 90K.Ninety. Thousand. Dollars. I’d never had that much money. I was terrified, actually. All night I tossed and turned, grabbing my phone to research proper money management. Imagine—spending so much of my life plagued by a lack of money, then being blessed with a random windfall and suffering just as much anxiety if not more.But I needn’t have stressed myself. Because on Tuesday, I received a job offer. A very lucrative, very exiting job offer that was ridiculously up my alley: creative, remote, and part-time with, get this: full-time pay and benefits. FINALLY! A money-making opportunity I actually wanted! I accepted faster than I’d ever accepted anything. No hemming and hawing for days. Just a resounding YES from my very soul. And as soon as I accepted the job, I immediately felt better about the inheritance. I knew that no matter what happened, I’d still have plenty of money coming in. I was on cloud nine and didn’t think things could get better.But then they did. On Wednesday, I received a wire transfer from a previous employer that had failed to pay me. It was only $875, but it was a relief she finally did the right thing. And it was immediate money.On Thursday the trend continued. A talented artist reached out wondering if we could collaborate on a project. As he described it, I became more and more excited. I would have done it for free, but he offered me 15K up front. When he sent me the contract, I noticed I’d be receiving royalties as well. I was so happy I almost exploded, my entire existence projecting across the universe in billows of glitter, confetti, and flustered giggles. By Friday, my inheritance deposited into my account. I had no clue inheritance money could come so fast, but it did. And I was no longer afraid of it. This is when I embarked on the most joyful moving experience of my life: one in which I could just pick a rental and move there. Luckily, the city I had in mind was also the city where my project mate resided, so if we ever wanted to meet up, it would be easy.Easy.What a relaxing word.On Saturday. I found two quarters on the stairs. A paltry sum, I know, but I ended up needing exactly two quarters later that day. Easy.On Sunday, an ex showed up at my apartment out of the blue. He took me to brunch and gave me a care package filled with a soft plaid blanket, Illy ground coffee, a pack of hand-drawn tarot cards, a scented candle, and a dark academia novel. I was touched he knew me so thoroughly. Inside the book was five hundred dollars cash. Startled, I looked at him. He shrugged and kissed me. “I just want you to remember me.”“I will, always.”After brunch he drove me back to my apartment and opened my door for me so I wouldn’t have to juggle my care package and keys.Easy.It was still a new word to me, but I was growing quite fond of it.As I packed boxes, a task that usually felt like it took months and often culminated in a harried moving day, I was delighted to find that I did it all in a week. Never in my life had I packed that fast. The funny thing is, I didn’t rush. I didn’t beat myself up for having so many Christmas decorations. I didn’t fret about everything making it to the other side in one piece. In fact, several times I caught myself smiling and—gasp—humming some jaunty tune. I knew that no matter what, I’d be fine.Moving day was interesting. As I watched the moving truck ramble away, I imagined my boxes and furniture arranged in a snug Tetris formation, shifting only slightly as they traversed bumpy roads, wide turns, and all that distance. I got my cats set up with their beds, food, water, and litter box in the back of my friend Woody’s conversion van. Then I hopped into the passenger seat, where we listened to Billy Joel and Jhene Aiko and Chapelle Roan and Eric Church. We drank coffee from Starbucks and Dunkin and BP and Cracker Barrel. We stopped to pee often, though the ride was so consistently flat that our bladders probably wouldn’t have bothered us much if we didn’t. We coasted down perfectly paved highways. There were very few people on the road, and the ones that were seemed to just glide into the next lane, allowing Woods and I to continue our smooth trajectory the entire way.Finally, we pulled into the driveway. I savored the feeling of my legs carrying me up the porch stairs, the beautiful weight of my cat in my arms. Woody carried my other cat, and we smiled at each other before entering the house, an adorable little Victorian with a woodburning fireplace and a pantry and a clawfoot tub and a tall wooden fence completely enclosing the sunny, grassy backyard. Yes, everything was exactly as I hoped it would be. A miracle, considering I never saw the place in person before signing the lease. I’d done everything remotely and hoped for the best. And this house is the best. It’s hands-down the most peaceful place I’ve ever lived. Thank goodness for my real estate agent, who made the whole process, well…Easy.To this day, it seems the universe is conspiring to deliver me money, ease, and convenience. I don’t even worry anymore that I’ll randomly wake up back in my old shit heap of a life. My desired reality would never let me go like that. It cradles me to its bosom like a devoted mother, this absurd thing of happiness and ease, and for that I am profoundly grateful.
October 22, 2025
Interviews & Reviews
CONTROL AND THE FUCKTOPUS: A CONVERSATION WITH CHRIS KELSO ABOUT ŻUŁAWSKI’S ‘POSSESSION’ by Alice
Chris Kelso is a Scottish writer of dark, weird fiction. I came to his work through Voidheads (Schism), and he’s since published Metampsychosis with Feral Dove, and most recently, a monograph on the film Possession with PS Publishing’s Midnight Movie Monographs.Possession, as it happens, is a long-time mutual obsession of ours, so when I freaked out in Chris’ Instagram comments about this monograph he very kindly sent me a copy. So I decided to interview him about it. He’s a great sport. Didn’t even get annoyed at my stupidly long ‘questions’, which are at times more monologuing than questions, honestly. ALICE: I think you said your research into Possession was a natural consequence of feeling reflected in the film, is that right? What was the impetus to write a monograph specifically?CHRIS: Yes, I think that’s often what happens. Writing is a response to overarousal. I have an emotional response to something and then I untangle it by writing it down. I can’t approach much in a purely intellectual way, and I’m certainly not an expert on, well, anything really, but I do know grief, insecurity, and grave self-loathing. I suppose addressing those intrinsic traits both motivated me and qualified me for the job of writing a monograph. And Possession is such a unique film, one which most people have an intense reaction to. So, I’m not special. I don’t think I have a particularly groundbreaking take on the film from an analytical perspective—that said, I didn’t really have much of a say in the matter. The reaction was authentic and part of my processing was to write this thesis. Żuławski’s Possession was merely a lens filter to modify the light before it hit the sensor.ALICE: “Writing is a response to overarousal” seems like one of those big truths I’m going to chew on for a long time. Because you’re right! Art in general is a response to overarousal. Yes, there’s the drudgery of it, and yes, you need a skill set to execute anything, but art seems like, at an essential level, where we put everything which overflows. Like a drip tray. What effluence you get depends on what’s overflowing: emotions or thought or images or whatever is too much.CHRIS: I agree. And I do feel really self-aware that these (intensely personal) artistic projects I've been involved with lately are serving that exact purpose: to contain that industrial run-off, but also to prevent further infection or contamination. The imagination should be drained like a cyst, because left untapped it’ll bleed out of your pores and make you do questionable things. This process is also good if you use emotional memory as a funnel. Lots of spill-prevention imagery here.ALICE: You might be able to tell I don’t like romanticising this process, at least not in public. I also think the best work comes from filth. (Well-tidied, precisely-described filth, but still.) Which is why I adore this film. Filth, as I’ve always thought of it, seems to be a similar idea to Julia Kristeva’s abjection. You mention Kristeva, and I’ve only recently started to parse Powers of Horror thanks to our mutual friend Elle Nash. How did you come across Kristeva’s work?CHRIS: Like you, I first came to Kristeva through Powers of Horror, but back in my university days. I was also looking for meticulous filth and all its acolytes. I find her to be a really fascinating thinker (most French feminists are), but also someone who is empowering as a female voice. Interestingly, she has a novel called ‘Possessions’.ALICE: I wanted to ask you about your feeling of possession over the film itself: you say it feels like it was meant for you somehow, that you dreamed about it before you’d ever seen it. I felt so much kinship with you there: I have dreamed about things, and the dreams carried the weight of meaning, even though I couldn’t understand that meaning at the time, and then I’ve later found out that not only did the dream have specific meaning, it was a clear and precise reference to something extant in the world, and so reflective of it that the dream seemed almost like precognition. I grew up in a very—how do I put this—post-Enlightenment household, and have been a soft sceptic all my life, and the process of developing true doubt is recent and unsettling, because belief itself was abject in my upbringing. How did this feeling of precognition change your experience of the world? Has Possession become something of a sacred object for you?CHRIS: That’s really interesting. I’d describe myself in similar terms, although in truth I tend not to think too deeply about it. The only thing I know for certain is that I know absolutely fuck all. I remain sceptical; like you I’m loosely aware of the roiling unpredictable energy of the universe. All I know is how I felt at that time, and how I chose to express that probably doesn’t do the phenomenon justice—because these things should not be defined by the limiting parameters of language. That said, I’ve gone along with it all. I’ve never tried to rationalise something so formative and emotional. Possession is totemic for so many people. It could just be the transcendent quality the film has, but to me the film is important in a way that’s difficult to define. ALICE: It feels right for you to be another Mark doppelgänger. I feel like there are uncomfortable lines connecting me to Anna like cobwebs. I wonder if the film taps into something universal when it comes to our shadow selves and dark sided emotions, and turns most of us into Anna and Mark doppelgängers. Do you think Żuławski intended that, or did he intend to say something about his own toxic relationship and tapped into common fears and insecurities while he was doing it? Reading your monograph, I thought there might be arguments for both: he seems to disregard the internal lives of other people (his actors in particular) in pursuit of his art, but the film does deal with several socially-relevant emotions like the toxic relationship between East and West Berlin, spying as a metaphor for observing our significant other, etc.CHRIS: Absolutely. I think it’s reasonable to assume Mark and Anna express an archetype of domestic insecurity and psychological fragility. I’m not sure about Żuławski. He was a very complex artist, a genius by most accounts, yet I’m still not sure he was consciously aware of his own intent. Granted, he was going through a devastating break up at the time and Possession was certainly a communication of his pain. Whether or not he had it all worked out, I’m not so sure. As you know, there is a latent or instinctive force at play when producing any kind of art. We’re subtly coerced towards certain themes and often that attraction will have something to do with where we’re at in our personal lives. Then again, he was a genius, so maybe he was consciously working through these themes with a kind of ordered methodology—planning dialogue that was pertinent and rich with subtext, forming deliberate metaphors, etc.ALICE: I rarely like high concepts which explore wordplay, but Possession is one of them. The film discusses possession in the demonic sense and possession as ownership, and what counts as possessing/being possessed. Your monograph mostly addresses possession as object. I've always been curious about why, given this, there are minimal references to Christianity in the film. In fact the only one I can think of is Anna's wordless discussion with a wooden Jesus mounted on a crucifix, immediately before her flashback miscarriage in the subway. I've always taken this as her rejection of religion: she says to Mark that she “miscarried faith.” In your monograph you discuss the miscarriage as a form of abjection: rejecting her married life with Mark, expunging it from her body, which would make it a form of self-interest, i.e. Kristeva's jouissance. Jesus fucking christ, this question is getting long (bear with me)... CHRIS: Long questions are always welcome! I’m so glad this book worked for you. It means a lot, because I was utterly terrified of what people would think.ALICE: I can only speak for myself, of course, but I appreciate anything which is carefully and deeply considered, especially if it gets me to think deeply in turn (especially especially when I’m allowed to pester the author with questions about it).Okay, so, first, do you think the ideas of Anna expunging her marriage and her religious beliefs can co-exist as interpretations? And secondly, if Anna's fucktopus is the larval form of the Mark doppelgänger, do you think it'd be fair to say that Anna is miscarrying her traditional marriage and the real Mark, in favour of the idealised, perfected version of Mark she needs?CHRIS: I think these two ideas can co-exist, absolutely. I was interested in finding an interpretation that would empower Anna, because I’m not entirely sure the director had that in mind when he was making the film. I think it’s likely Żuławski wanted Anna to simply be a bit of a mental she-devil who shagged a monster in an act of unbridled female promiscuity. I’m also not interested in Anna being a victim: she deserves better than that. I think you’re right, though. I think it's healthy and intelligent to project emboldening ideas to Anna’s character. I believe the miscarriage is a physical excretion of her old life to a man she never truly loved. In truth, the message and intention of the film is very muddy—and I suppose that’s why we love it!ALICE: This really speaks to the power of interpretation, because I find it impossible not to relate to Anna, and if the director really did intend her to just be an insane villain who fucked a monster, then my whole experience of the film is a simulacrum. But it’s a useful and beneficial one, right? Because otherwise I’d lose one of my favourite pieces of media. Anna being exclusively a she-devil in my head would make the film far less progressive to me, and therefore unwatchable. CHRIS: Me too. I think the audience has power here, though. We do have the ability to reclaim and reinterpret, to imbue and elevate. The film is more than just Żuławski; it’s also Adjani’s performance and the raw paranormal energy she brought to it. It’s the softer, more nuanced hand of Frederic Tuten. Art can take on many new faces the more people who look at it. I don’t think any of the truly ‘great’ pieces of art have one true interpretation anyway, despite what the creator intended. ALICE: This is why monographs like yours are so relevant and useful: they open new avenues of interpretation to an audience who might not otherwise connect with a piece of art. I don’t fully ascribe to “death of the author,” but maybe a soft version of it, like “the author should shut up and let us interpret their work on our own, thank you very much,” simply because these interpretations allow art to say more than it was probably intended to say. Of course we can and should consider the author’s interpretation of their own work, and the author’s situation and environment during its creation, but other interpretations have inherent value as useful simulacra. CHRIS: Hear hear! And I also think masterpieces can happen by accident sometimes, almost willed into existence by certain forces (the audience in particular would count as one of these extant contributing forces). Not to get all spiritual on you!ALICE: Why do you think Anna dies? Every time I watch this film I'm left with the impression that this was what she wanted: the two of them to die together. But I can't decide why I think that is.CHRIS: I’m going to give a bit of a cop-out answer to this one. Anna dies because she is the hero. And I believe all truly great things should end. Great TV shows should have a finale. Epic books should have a last page. Your favourite bands should disband. People should die. There is nothing more unnatural than ‘going on’. Our end is what gives our lives meaning in the snapshot of time we get to be here. If we kept going for hundreds of years we would become exhausted pain-camels made evil with boredom and apathy. Anna is the feminist hero we’ve needed for a while. She had to die to become a legend.ALICE: I don’t think that’s a cop-out at all! It’s an observation on the demands of narrative, and completely correct. I’m gonna pin you down with a different question, though: what do you think happens at the end of the film? I’ll tell you what I think happens: Mark’s incompetence at his spy job (i.e., not noticing that one of his bosses is in fact pink socks man), because of his divided attention due to the destruction of his marriage, has led to some international incident, and this results in the destruction of Berlin with an atom bomb. That’s what I see in the ending, like, this marriage was so fucking toxic it ended in nuclear war.CHRIS: Jesus Christ, that’s better than anything I could come up with. I think I’ll just glom on to your evaluation. ‘When you’re beat, you’re beat’, as they say. tips hatALICE: I'm talking a lot about Anna because your monograph was uncomfortable, which I think you intended, and one of the reasons it was uncomfortable for me is that it's an inevitably male point of view. I'm aligned with Anna, so a lot of your personal observations and interpretations of Possession are those which would have never occurred to me. It feels like we're standing on opposite sides of a sculpture and can't really imagine the sculpture from the other side. Which is kinda, you know, the point. And what it must have been like in Berlin at the time. Until reading your monograph. I never even thought Mark could be a pathetic character, an impotent one, or powerless—but of course he is. Your version of Mark was so convincing to me, I'm rethinking some of my past relationships. But still, Mark, for me, is the aggressor: I assume Anna's behaviour is in response to aggression Mark has no knowledge he's committing, or limited consciousness of, because Anna's behaviour has a desperate escapism about it which I recognise in myself, in my own desperation to escape, despite still loving my partner. There's a liminal emotional state where all you can think about is your toxic partner, and you don't want to end the relationship, but you want to pull away however you can, and you end up in completely nonsensical behavioural patterns as a means of escape without escape (Anna emptying cabinets, putting clothes in the fridge, preparing a cut of raw meat for nobody). CHRIS: I agree that Mark is the aggressor. He is also pathetic. Most aggressive, controlling, and insecure men are pathetic. That’s how they convince themselves and other people that they’re victims, and probably how they justify awful behaviour. Their patheticness is weaponised. Something I shamefully know about all too well.ALICE: In contrast to how your Mark tries everything to possess Anna and fails, I see Anna trying everything to satisfy Mark except the things she absolutely cannot do, or risk complete loss of her Self. She says, desperately, that she's failing him, she's a slut, she's a monster—she admits to all his accusations. She is willing to accept his accusation that she is not a socially palatable woman. You struggle with Mark's desire to control in your monograph, and you admit to feeling the same desire to contain and control a woman from your past. I noticed something, and I wonder if you know this: the monograph itself seemed (to me) to be a species of control. You want to get ahead of our opinions of you; you want to reassure us that you're okay now, you're cognisant of what you did—but you want us to feel a certain way about you, and even attempt to regulate our emotions through chapter-specific song suggestions. What's it like to grapple with this tendency to want to control? I deeply empathise with it: I experience a lot of obsessive thinking. Does thinking about Possession help you control the difficulty of controlling your desire for control? I don't have control over this question anymore. I think I'm asking: how are you now? Did you write this with the idea of reaching out to other people struggling with the issue of control?CHRIS: Yes, that’s a very astute observation. First, it’s interesting you mention Mark committing these small atrocities without even being aware of what he’s doing. I find that’s a common vice among young men, including me way back when. I think men can be so driven by lust that it genuinely clouds empathy. That’s not an excuse, but I think it rings true in most cases. I look back at my own failings as a human being and I can’t undo any of it. I am desperate to talk about it, though, and to improve myself. If I need to overcorrect laterally then that’s what I’ll have to do. That’s kind of what I’m doing with this book. It’s an acknowledgment of past transgressions and an untangling of a knotty ego. Control is a big problem for people who are profoundly insecure. At the best of times it feels like life is always slipping away from you, ultimately because of what you lack. You cannot control because you don’t deserve control. That’s your punishment. Yet you keep trying to insidiously impose your dominion over other vessels-of-consciousness, and if you’re a man you can feel entitled to those vessels. When these vessels-of-consciousness demonstrate agency you’re left reeling in a whole new spiralling vortex of uncontrollability. When you grow and realise you cannot control much of your own life, and nothing of other people, you go about seeking to impose it in more positive ways – like being an obsessive ‘fixer’ or giving too much of yourself to too many people. Or becoming a public authority figure like a teacher in my case. If this book connects with anyone then I’ll feel good about it, but the main impetus was really a selfish self-therapy. Maybe the book is voyeuristic in that sense. I think when my wife went through her pregnancy I realised my relationship to control had to change in a big way. The terror of watching my wife give birth. The terror of watching my newborn become a toddler. The terror of a new love that engulfs you in its fist, deeper and more agonising than any love you have ever experienced before or thought possible. You cannot live a life of control under those circumstances, so you need to recalibrate. I think I have a better grasp of it all now. I’m doing well – thank you for asking! I think I need to be ‘checked in’ with every now and again, lol. ALICE: Your research, speaking of, is impeccable. I especially enjoyed the final dialogue between Jörg Buttgereit and Graham Rae. What was it like, transcribing that? Getting to know two artists of that calibre?CHRIS: I owe that interview to Graham who is a close friend of Jörg. Jörg is obviously a wonderful director and it was a privilege to have him involved, reaffirming my belief that literature and discussion is the closest we get to true magic. ALICE: Ah, right! So let’s scrap that question, and ask another: have you had any interesting conversations about the film as a result of researching this monograph, which you didn’t write about (for whatever reason, like narrative flow or length)?Also, I couldn’t agree more: I feed on theory. I’m one of those annoying participants of a destination workshop who never wants to talk about anything but theory, haha.CHRIS: I actually have fairly regular interesting conversations about this film with my friend Rachel, who might love Possession more than we do. She would’ve written a much more interesting monograph, in truth, but all our conjecture and theories have wound up in the book. There is something about this film which brings people together in a weird, very specific way. I’m looking forward to chatting with you in person about Possession - and I’ll bring Rachel with me!ALICE: Looking forward to it!
October 21, 2025
by Mike Topp
$25 | Perfect bound | 72 pages
Paperback | Die-cut matte cover | 7×7″
Mike Topp’s poems defy categorization. That’s why they are beloved by seamstresses, pathologists, blackmailers and art collectors.
–Sparrow
